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Antique parchment-style illustration of the Albatwitch, a small hairy humanoid perched on a thick tree branch holding a ha...
Documented
Case File #ALB-010

Albatwitch

Lancaster County's small hominid-class nuisance: apple theft, tree-perching, and projectile fruit remnants.

Hominellus pomivorus

LocationChickies Rock / Susquehanna River corridor (Columbia area), Pennsylvania
RegionAppalachia

Case Sections

In Review

Short, shaggy, and not interested in holding still for a sketch. Witnesses put it somewhere between three and five feet, covered in dark hair, with a face that's human enough to unsettle and animal enough to excuse. Most sightings are partial. Merely a shape dropping between branches, a silhouette against the sky that wasn't there a second ago. It moves through the canopy like it was born there. Probably was.

Declassified Briefings

Witness Accounts

In Review
Witness: Compiled tradition
Date: 1800s
Location: Chickies Rock, PA

The old accounts don't bother with buildup. Church groups losing entire picnic spreads to something in the trees. Apple cores raining down on blankets. A woman who swore something chittered at her from the branches when she tried to take her basket back. The stories were common enough that folks stopped treating them as strange and started treating them as local. You went to Chickies Rock, you watched your food, you kept your opinions to yourself if something took it anyway. That was just how it was.

Form No. ACD-47B
Rev. 08/1972
Internal
File Copy
Appalachian Cryptid Division
Department of Unexplained Phenomena
Internal Memorandum
To:Field Research Division
From:Regional Director
Date:[CLASSIFIED]
Re:Albatwitch - Case ALB-010
The Albatwitch isn't going to hurt anybody. It's going to embarrass you and eat your lunch, and you're going to have to walk back to your car knowing something got the better of you without breaking a sweat. Don't feed it. Don't try to lure it out. Don't stand at the overlook making noises like you're calling a dog. Cause it's not a dog and it's not going to come when you call. If you're struck by fruit remnants, log it and move on. The Albatwitch has assessed you and found you tolerable enough to insult. That's as close to a compliment as you're going to get.
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